cuddlecity | & burned out flames should never reignite.

CHARACTERS: the flash + captain cold
LOCATIONS: the green room
WARNINGS: terrible life choices
SUMMARY: leonard and barry get together to play pool. it's a disaster waiting to happen.

[ he gets there early. earlier than he'd originally planned to, even. by almost half an hour. it's a little ridiculous, but leonard needs to get his thoughts in order and that's always easier to do when he has something to do with his hands. so. pool and a beer off to the side. lots of thoughts that have him frowning as he racks the balls.

this whole thing is probably a terrible idea. even though kara's call had pissed him off, leonard can admit that. problem is, he doesn't know what to do about it. ignoring barry isn't an option, as far as he's concerned; it won't solve the problem here. what's more than that, he doesn't want to ignore barry. he's on a very short list of people leonard might actually trust a little bit, and in a place where different kinds of intimacy may literally save his life, that's a big deal.

still. he doesn't want to hurt barry any more than he already is just by existing. it's why he's playing this cool as well as by ear. dipping his toes into the metaphorical waters and seeing what happens. and most decidedly not mentioning to anyone how curious he is about the fact that he--or some version of him--fell in love with the flash.

the eight ball sinks into a pocket. leonard glances at the clock and decides it's time to rack things up again and wait for barry. he leans against the corner table he's claimed for them, cue in one hand, bottle of beer in the other. his eyes are on the door as he waits, but there's a careful nonchalance in his posture. this may blow up, but he's gonna try his damnedest to make sure it doesn't. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[there have been certain times over the past few years that he's been fairly certain that snart has had it out for him. sure, shooting him with the cold gun would be the more obvious examples. but beyond that, there are times where his words or actions have pushed him in a way that no one else has ever come close to doing.

this, is just such a time. and of course, it had to happen just as he's reaching for his beer again. so naturally it's time to knock the entire bottle over as he starts.]

Uh... [he has to know what he's doing. they may not have flat out talked about it yet, but he knows snart isn't oblivious. he likely already knows far more than he's letting on. so saying something like that, barry can't be blamed for the leaps his mind takes.]

...I don't think I know how to answer that without scaring you off or needing to leave and I really don't want to leave so please don't talk like that unless you actually want me to follow through on it because I would and I know that's a bad idea butyou'remakingthisreallyhardandIdon'tmeanitlikethatsodon'tlaughatme.

[okay, breathing. he remembers how to do that. hopefully.]

[ all the amusement fades once barry startles enough to knock over his beer. what was a fun game a moment ago is now the kind of sticky situation leonard would usually bail on. he leans against a (not damp) part of the pool table and, though relaxed, stands in slightly defensive way. ]

Breathe, Barry. [ it takes him a moment to parse the squished together words, but when he does, he sighs and looks down for a moment. ] I'm not gonna laugh at you.

[ but he has absolutely fucked this up, hasn't he? and now he's got to make it right otherwise he's not going to have a superhero to banter with and kara may laser him to death. ]

I don't do feelings. [ he starts, pinning barry with a serious--but not upset--look. ] You can probably guess why. [ it's a liability in his line of work. and even if it wasn't, lewis beat trust and openness out of him before barry was even born. ] And I don't have the memories of whatever we had back in that other city. I can't be the version of me you knew, and I'm not gonna start anything. Not while you're clearly grieving; I'm not that much of a dick.

[ harsh truths that need to be said. he's broken barry down, now to see if he can build him back up. ]

But it'd be a lie to say I'm not intrigued. That I'm not attracted to you. You don't have to worry about scaring me off. [ not when he knows what he knows and feels how he feels. ] Only thing you gotta worry about is how badly you're fucking yourself up over this.

[ leonard looks away, then. leans his cue against the table and reaches over to pick up barry's now mostly-empty bottle of beer and moves towards where he can dispose of it and maybe get a towel. he pauses a few paces away, glancing over his shoulder but not looking right at barry. ]

Ball's yours, Barry. Do with it what you will.

[he's silent as he listens, his eyes squeezed shut for those first moments that he spends simply breathing through his panic. this isn't the way this conversation was meant to go. he wasn't meant to jump to conclusions and blurt it all out like that. but it's too late now to take it all back, so he just has to...hope. that he hasn't ruined everything.

but it's when snart moves on, when those admissions come, that barry's eyes snap back open again, his surprise all too clear as he stares back at the other man. it isn't a no, and that's more than he was expecting. but having that possibility laid out in front of him like that--]

I know you're not him. But you're still you. You're still-- [it sounds weak, even to him. words that don't offer anything by way of an explanation. the rest doesn't seem to come. he's still busy trying to find them, jaw set and body tense all over again as he has to fight that urge to run again. whatever snart is offering, he doesn't want to throw away. doesn't want to miss out on. but he knows what's at stake here, and he refuses to ruin it all by jumping in when they're both well aware that he isn't ready yet.

he seems to deflate all at once, his cue dropped on the table and game completely ignored. he shouldn't have come. kara was right. he should've at least waited a couple more weeks before attempting this. it's a mistake, and he doesn't know how to make it right.]

You can't offer me that, because if I take it, I won't know how to let go.

[ he takes half a moment to throw out the beer bottle and uses it to collect his thoughts. a few feet from barry he stops, slight frown on his face. what a shit situation they've gotten themselves into. ]

I can't offer anything but that. I'm not take advantage of what's going on with you. [ leonard glances to the side for a moment. sighs. ] I can't stay out of your space forever, [ not with how few people from home are here ] but if you need me scarce, I'm gone.

[ need, because he's pretty sure the last thing barry wants is for him to pull a disappearing act for a few weeks while that broken heart gets glued back together. ]

Otherwise, I'll cut down on the ribbing and we'll... see how things go.

No. [the gap between them is gone before he even registers the fact he's moved, fingers twisted into the sleeve of snart's jacket. as much as he knows staying in touch with him will probably hurt, he can't see any positive in cutting off all contact. even if it's only temporarily.]

You can't disappear. I can't know you're here and not at least get to talk to you.

[he lets out a slow breath, his grip on snart dropped in favor of running a hand through his hair. he's back to feeling uncomfortable again. back to feeling like a fish out of water. it's something he'd usually distract himself from by seeking out a select few people. and unfortunately, the largest distraction of them all is also the current cause of that discomfort in the first place.

he needs to leave. at least for now.]

...I should go. I think-- I need to go. I'm sorry.

Save the apologies. [ there's no real need for them. they both knew what they were getting into. sort of.

leonard lifts his chin in the direction of the door. ] Go on, get out of here, Flash. [ a beat. ] Text me when you're feeling a little better.

[ it's something like a compromise in his mind. contact without the tension that being face-to-face brings. not disappearing, but not being overly social either. maybe that'll help some. ]

[he only nods in response, knowing that anything else he might say now would only make this even more difficult to walk away from. he wants to step in close. wants to remove the space between them and kiss the other man. but he knows it's something he can't do. not now. possibly not ever. this isn't len, and remembering that is getting harder by the second.

so, between one breath and the next, barry is gone, speeding out of the pool hall off for a long run through the city. he'll get back in contact with snart once he's had some time to clear his head.]

& burned out flames should never reignite.

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