( his brow remains furrowed, still trying to reconcile with the fact that he'd even contemplated telling someone that, let alone let his mouth run wild and actually done it. rene could've said that he doesn't feel like he deserves having some like her in his life after everything he's done, which is true, but something in him made it go even further, made him say something he's not sure if he'd ever even willingly admitted to himself.
it had been over a year since she died back in his world — one whole year, two months, a few days — and he'd never even considered anyone but laura. more time spent without her, a few months here in this city where, to get what he wants, he has to do more than just sit in his apartment with his head in his hands, do more than beat the shit out of a punching bag, all of those frustrations. having a real, genuine connection with somebody? being able to be there for them unconditionally, without slipping back into the grief he'd rather release in bullets fired into star city's worst?
it's a hard thing to consider, which is why he hadn't until now. and there's still her question — technically answered, but not fully. )
Maybe it should be. But I can't. Shouldn't. ( because it might not even change things. even if laura were still alive ...
zoe still might not have her mom, he still might not have his wife. there'd still be the drugs. the lies. things might end up going the same exact way. all he can do is try to help his future — no, zoe's future.
rene stops at a crosswalk, looks over at isabelle through the pouring rain and tries not to read into the expression on her face too much — the way her brows knit together, the concern in her eyes as she looks back at him, the slight downturn of the corners of her mouth. ) Think this is where I leave you.
( he's still in his city-given apartment and he knows that hers will mean turning down this street, considering he's been there before. that doesn't mean he wants to leave her right now, easy as it would be to forgo her company and the painful truths that seem to leave him like a broken dam. )
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( his brow remains furrowed, still trying to reconcile with the fact that he'd even contemplated telling someone that, let alone let his mouth run wild and actually done it. rene could've said that he doesn't feel like he deserves having some like her in his life after everything he's done, which is true, but something in him made it go even further, made him say something he's not sure if he'd ever even willingly admitted to himself.
it had been over a year since she died back in his world — one whole year, two months, a few days — and he'd never even considered anyone but laura. more time spent without her, a few months here in this city where, to get what he wants, he has to do more than just sit in his apartment with his head in his hands, do more than beat the shit out of a punching bag, all of those frustrations. having a real, genuine connection with somebody? being able to be there for them unconditionally, without slipping back into the grief he'd rather release in bullets fired into star city's worst?
it's a hard thing to consider, which is why he hadn't until now. and there's still her question — technically answered, but not fully. )
Maybe it should be. But I can't. Shouldn't. ( because it might not even change things. even if laura were still alive ...
zoe still might not have her mom, he still might not have his wife. there'd still be the drugs. the lies. things might end up going the same exact way. all he can do is try to help his future — no, zoe's future.
rene stops at a crosswalk, looks over at isabelle through the pouring rain and tries not to read into the expression on her face too much — the way her brows knit together, the concern in her eyes as she looks back at him, the slight downturn of the corners of her mouth. ) Think this is where I leave you.
( he's still in his city-given apartment and he knows that hers will mean turning down this street, considering he's been there before. that doesn't mean he wants to leave her right now, easy as it would be to forgo her company and the painful truths that seem to leave him like a broken dam. )