A wry smile crosses Lydia's lips, even though it falls away from her eyes as they flicker to the tabletop, and she nods, a soft huff of amusement escaping her. "Oh God, you couldn't tell Allison anything," she says with a sad sort of fondness, her eyes shifting up to meet Baby's a moment later. "She was probably the most stubborn and headstrong person I knew. But if I'd been better, I could've been fighting beside her instead of needing saved," she says, shrugging.
It's too late now. Would've, could've, should've never got anyone anywhere and Lydia knows that much. That doesn't make it any less frustrating a pill to have to swallow, though, after the fact.
"I get what you're saying, though, and I appreciate that sentiment. It's one I've been trying to sell to myself ever since it happened. I take a lot of responsibility for it, though, because I didn't just know she died, I—"
Lydia stops abruptly, frowning slightly and clearing her throat. It felt good to tell Spencer what she really was. This date is not ending in sex, she can kind of already tell, so she might as well see if it also feels good to be that honest and open with Baby. He's listening, after all, isn't he? She can see that he's engaged in the conversation.
"I literally felt it. I knew she was going to die. You know how I said I have tinnitus? It's voices in my head. I'm a banshee; I predict death. The voices are a low buzz all the time, but when someone's going to die, they get louder and I can hear what they're actually saying. So I knew and I couldn't stop it. There was nothing I could do because I couldn't fight back then. It's just a lot to carry, sometimes," she says. Then, she wrinkles her nose. "And now that I've probably sufficiently freaked you out..." she adds loftily, looking apologetic as her voice trails off.
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It's too late now. Would've, could've, should've never got anyone anywhere and Lydia knows that much. That doesn't make it any less frustrating a pill to have to swallow, though, after the fact.
"I get what you're saying, though, and I appreciate that sentiment. It's one I've been trying to sell to myself ever since it happened. I take a lot of responsibility for it, though, because I didn't just know she died, I—"
Lydia stops abruptly, frowning slightly and clearing her throat. It felt good to tell Spencer what she really was. This date is not ending in sex, she can kind of already tell, so she might as well see if it also feels good to be that honest and open with Baby. He's listening, after all, isn't he? She can see that he's engaged in the conversation.
"I literally felt it. I knew she was going to die. You know how I said I have tinnitus? It's voices in my head. I'm a banshee; I predict death. The voices are a low buzz all the time, but when someone's going to die, they get louder and I can hear what they're actually saying. So I knew and I couldn't stop it. There was nothing I could do because I couldn't fight back then. It's just a lot to carry, sometimes," she says. Then, she wrinkles her nose. "And now that I've probably sufficiently freaked you out..." she adds loftily, looking apologetic as her voice trails off.